Self-image and spirituality

We have often heard that self-image and self-confidence are just the world's substitute for trusting God. News flash: it's not true.

Yes, self-confidence can be misused as a very poor substitute for faith. But there's much more to it than that. How can a young lady trust God when deep down, she is privately convinced that she is simply not worth being loved by God or anyone else? What good does it do to tell a young man to trust God when, in the deepest recesses of his soul, he senses that he is rejected and valueless? How can I trust God to take care of me if I'm privately certain that I'm simply not worth being taken care of?

I don't know if this has been prevalent throughout church history, but it's a real problem in today's church. While I am not a great fan of a lot of contemporary Christian music, CCM is often more in touch with the Christian world today than many churches are. They have to be, in order to write and perform music that resonates with Christians, especially young Christians. And there is a lot of CCM that talks about struggling with feelings of worthlessness and being unloved.

There's a girl in the corner 

With tear stains on her eyes 

From the places she's wandered 

And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 

I'm not who I once was. 

And I'm crippled by the fear 

That I've fallen too far to love" 

Well she tries to believe it 

That she's been given new life 

But she can't shake the feeling 

That it's not true tonight 

She knows all the answers 

And she's rehearsed all the lines 

And so she'll try to do better 

But then she's too weak to try 

     from "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

Setting aside the anecdotes and lyrics, though, is the idea of having a good self-image Scriptural? The fact is that Scripture warns us repeatedly against taking too high a view of ourselves. For example, one should not "think more highly of himself than he ought to" (Rom 12:3); "everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD" (Prov 16:5). And there are many more such passages. Throughout history, the usual problem has been that people's self-image has been too inflated.

But there is another side to it. Romans 12:3 (quoted above) also tells us to "think [of ourselves] soberly." (The word "soberly" here means "realistically" or "honestly.") And Hebrews 11:6 says, "He who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." So when a person's self-image makes it difficult to believe that God would reward them for seeking Him, that is a huge problem spiritually. I've recently come to realize that often people seeking God during altar services are struggling with issues related to their self-image.

If the best we have to offer is some platitude like "get your eyes off yourself and onto God," the battle is lost before it's begun. We are dealing with very deep issues here, and they take time. But there are ways to offer real help.

First, encourage the seeker to trust God in spite of their conviction that they aren't worth His help. It's hard, but it's possible. And that is where they have to start. God knows the struggle they are having deep in their soul, and He'll walk them through it step by step.

Second, work to create and maintain an atmosphere of acceptance and caring. Because, like it or not, God uses us. God communicates His love through you and me. That means that if we want people to experience God's love, we have to show that love in very practical ways. Frankly, that sounds more difficult - and more touchy-feely - than it is.

• It's just being genuinely connected with one another.

• It's actually listening to people.

• It's caring, and letting others know that you care.
• It's taking time to talk with the kid that no one hangs around.
• It's a text saying "I'm praying for you" to the friend who is going through a rough time.
• It doesn't have to be extensive or time-consuming, but it does have to be consistent and sincere.

Third, realize that you do not know who is in the middle of this struggle. It could be the shy withdrawn girl, or it could be the popular guy whom that everyone looks up to. That means we have to be there for everyone around us. And (surprise, surprise) that's exactly what Scripture says we should do anyway. It's called "fellowship," koinonia, sharing life. And it's how the Christian life is supposed to work every day.