What's your worth?

“Jesus loves me, this I know

For the Bible tells me so…”

Many of us have sung this song since we learned to talk. We’ve heard it so much that it sounds trite. But sometimes it can be hard to actually accept, to truly believe in the depths of your soul.

Maybe you struggle with really believing that God loves you. Maybe you accept it in your head, but it doesn’t actually seem real in your life. Or maybe feeling unloved or unwanted is so ingrained in who you are that you don’t believe that even God could love you. You’d like to believe it, but you just can’t. Not really.

The world will tell you that you have to be thin, beautiful and successful to be worth loving. But even the most successful and glamorous often struggle with feeling unloved and worthless.

God tells you something different. He wants you to understand that your value is based on four absolute truths.

Know who you are: you are created in God’s image. You are literally a small picture of God. And just like the image on a $100 bill is what gives it value, so God’s image on you gives you value. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what’s been done to you. You have enormous value.

Remember what Christ did: He was tortured to death for you. Jesus knows you. He knows every sin you commit, every secret you hide, every weakness you cover. And He still thinks you are worth dying for.

Find where you fit: you are a member of God’s family. Find people that show that God’s acceptance and love. Develop those friendships that build you up, that draw you toward God. Cut those relationships that tear you down and pull you away from God. God already accepted you and received you into His family. This is where you belong.

Learn what you have: God gave you talents and gifts. It’s easy to look at others and think that you don’t have anything to offer compared to them, but God has given you a way to make a difference. Maybe you can sing, or you can make people laugh, or you are a good organizer or a great listener. Everyone wants to be significant, to make a difference, and God has given you your own way to do just that.

Everyone feels unloved or rejected sometimes. When you find yourself there, hold on to these four truths:

You are valuable.

You are loved.

You belong.

You contribute.

Self-image and spirituality

We have often heard that self-image and self-confidence are just the world's substitute for trusting God. News flash: it's not true.

Yes, self-confidence can be misused as a very poor substitute for faith. But there's much more to it than that. How can a young lady trust God when deep down, she is privately convinced that she is simply not worth being loved by God or anyone else? What good does it do to tell a young man to trust God when, in the deepest recesses of his soul, he senses that he is rejected and valueless? How can I trust God to take care of me if I'm privately certain that I'm simply not worth being taken care of?

I don't know if this has been prevalent throughout church history, but it's a real problem in today's church. While I am not a great fan of a lot of contemporary Christian music, CCM is often more in touch with the Christian world today than many churches are. They have to be, in order to write and perform music that resonates with Christians, especially young Christians. And there is a lot of CCM that talks about struggling with feelings of worthlessness and being unloved.

There's a girl in the corner 

With tear stains on her eyes 

From the places she's wandered 

And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 

I'm not who I once was. 

And I'm crippled by the fear 

That I've fallen too far to love" 

Well she tries to believe it 

That she's been given new life 

But she can't shake the feeling 

That it's not true tonight 

She knows all the answers 

And she's rehearsed all the lines 

And so she'll try to do better 

But then she's too weak to try 

     from "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

Setting aside the anecdotes and lyrics, though, is the idea of having a good self-image Scriptural? The fact is that Scripture warns us repeatedly against taking too high a view of ourselves. For example, one should not "think more highly of himself than he ought to" (Rom 12:3); "everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD" (Prov 16:5). And there are many more such passages. Throughout history, the usual problem has been that people's self-image has been too inflated.

But there is another side to it. Romans 12:3 (quoted above) also tells us to "think [of ourselves] soberly." (The word "soberly" here means "realistically" or "honestly.") And Hebrews 11:6 says, "He who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." So when a person's self-image makes it difficult to believe that God would reward them for seeking Him, that is a huge problem spiritually. I've recently come to realize that often people seeking God during altar services are struggling with issues related to their self-image.

If the best we have to offer is some platitude like "get your eyes off yourself and onto God," the battle is lost before it's begun. We are dealing with very deep issues here, and they take time. But there are ways to offer real help.

First, encourage the seeker to trust God in spite of their conviction that they aren't worth His help. It's hard, but it's possible. And that is where they have to start. God knows the struggle they are having deep in their soul, and He'll walk them through it step by step.

Second, work to create and maintain an atmosphere of acceptance and caring. Because, like it or not, God uses us. God communicates His love through you and me. That means that if we want people to experience God's love, we have to show that love in very practical ways. Frankly, that sounds more difficult - and more touchy-feely - than it is.

• It's just being genuinely connected with one another.

• It's actually listening to people.

• It's caring, and letting others know that you care.
• It's taking time to talk with the kid that no one hangs around.
• It's a text saying "I'm praying for you" to the friend who is going through a rough time.
• It doesn't have to be extensive or time-consuming, but it does have to be consistent and sincere.

Third, realize that you do not know who is in the middle of this struggle. It could be the shy withdrawn girl, or it could be the popular guy whom that everyone looks up to. That means we have to be there for everyone around us. And (surprise, surprise) that's exactly what Scripture says we should do anyway. It's called "fellowship," koinonia, sharing life. And it's how the Christian life is supposed to work every day.

Is Your Church Safe?

Throughout history, the church has been seen as a place of safety. In Medieval times, the church was a place where fugitives could flee to escape their pursuers. In more modern times, as the surrounding culture has become less and less Christian, holding biblical values and lifestyles has created a conservative sub-culture, a culture which attempts to isolate itself from many of the problems in the world around. Those who struggle with tough issues are sometimes seen as a threat to this culture, and they are encouraged (whether directly or indirectly) to hide their struggles from the church. And thus the church, instead of being a place of acceptance and healing, is seen as a place where one must outwardly conform or face criticism and rejection. So how do we change this perception?

1.     Face the fact that in many churches, this is a reality, not just a perception. You must prayerfully question whether you are part of the problem or part of the solution. Are you willing to truly be a safe person, and to make your church or youth group a safe place?

2.     Address tough issues. In public. From the pulpit. Yes, it may be uncomfortable, and you may get some fallout. But if you wanted a safe, comfortable career, you should have gone into accounting. On the other hand, if you want to make a difference in young people’s lives, then get ready to take some risks.

3.     Be empathetic. Making a crack about gays might get a response, but it also tells that young person in your congregation who is struggling with same-sex attraction that you are not interested in helping him.

4.     Keep confidences. Betraying a confidence demonstrates that you are an unfaithful minister and therefore not qualified to be a pastor (Prov. 11:31; 1 Cor. 4:2). On the other hand, there are times at which you must report what you know to the authorities: familiarize yourself with the mandatory reporting laws of your state or country, as well as the states or countries in which you minister. In these cases, let the young person know what and to whom you must report.

5.     Build relationships. Youth want transparency and authenticity: you’re not perfect, so stop pretending to be. Learn to LISTEN, not just plan what your next pastorly bit of wisdom will be.  And pleasepleaseplease never let the words “Just give it to God” pass your lips. Or any other trite bit of spiritual-sounding nonsense that we throw around so we can feel wise and pastor-ly. An honest “I don’t know” is far better than a mass-produced piece of plastic wisdom.

The good news is that young people—and adults—want and respond to honesty and genuine caring. If you build an environment where it’s OK to struggle and to be imperfect, then you will be in a position where God can truly use you to change lives.