Throughout history, the church has been seen as a place of safety. In Medieval times, the church was a
place where fugitives could flee to escape their pursuers. In more modern
times, as the surrounding culture has become less and less Christian, holding
biblical values and lifestyles has created a conservative sub-culture, a
culture which attempts to isolate itself from many of the problems in the world
around. Those who struggle with tough issues are sometimes seen as a threat to
this culture, and they are encouraged (whether directly or indirectly) to hide
their struggles from the church. And thus the church, instead of being a place
of acceptance and healing, is seen as a place where one must outwardly conform
or face criticism and rejection. So how do we change this perception?
1. Face the fact that in many churches, this is a reality, not just
a perception. You must prayerfully question whether you are part of the problem
or part of the solution. Are you willing to truly be a safe person, and to make
your church or youth group a safe place?
2. Address tough issues. In public. From the pulpit. Yes, it may be
uncomfortable, and you may get some fallout. But if you wanted a safe,
comfortable career, you should have gone into accounting. On the other hand, if
you want to make a difference in young people’s lives, then get ready to take
some risks.
3. Be empathetic. Making a crack about gays might get a response,
but it also tells that young person in your congregation who is struggling with
same-sex attraction that you are not interested in helping him.
4. Keep confidences. Betraying a confidence demonstrates
that you are an unfaithful minister and therefore not qualified to be a pastor
(Prov. 11:31; 1 Cor. 4:2). On the other hand, there are times at which you must
report what you know to the authorities: familiarize yourself with the mandatory reporting laws of your state or country, as well as the states or countries in which you minister. In these cases, let the young
person know what and to whom you must report.
5. Build relationships. Youth want transparency and authenticity:
you’re not perfect, so stop pretending to be. Learn to LISTEN, not just plan
what your next pastorly bit of wisdom will be.
And pleasepleaseplease never let the words “Just give it to God” pass
your lips. Or any other trite bit of spiritual-sounding nonsense that we throw
around so we can feel wise and pastor-ly. An honest “I don’t know” is far
better than a mass-produced piece of plastic wisdom.
The good news is that young people—and adults—want and
respond to honesty and genuine caring. If you build an environment where it’s
OK to struggle and to be imperfect, then you will be in a position where God
can truly use you to change lives.
