This past Thursday
night was a life-changer. For me, and for a lot of other people. We were at
Carolina Christian Youth Camp, and just before the service closed on Thursday
evening, one of the adults gave the most honest and transparent testimony I
have ever heard. He stood before about 200 people--most teenagers--and told of
his struggle with pornography. He explained how he'd gotten involved with it,
how he'd had to leave a ministry position because of it, and how he still had
to deal with the effects and guard himself against the temptation. He ended by
proclaiming "I'm not going to do it!" and asked those who would join
him in that resolution regarding their own struggles to stand. One by one,
young people began to stand and testify, many confessing their own weaknesses
and failings. Some told of their own addiction to pornography. Some told of
their struggles with bitterness over abusive fathers. Many simply stood and
wept. Soon there were 70 or 80 young people at the front of the church, weeping
out their brokenness before God. And the testimonies continued: struggles with
addictions and cutting; anger at God for the death of family members;
bitterness over physical and emotional abuse; the anguish of rape and
molestation; hopelessness, fear, rage,
pain. The expression of agony was matched by an outpouring of grace: love,
acceptance, shared tears, embraces, requests for forgiveness. The whole thing was unexpected,
messy, raw, uncontrolled, inappropriate… and amazing.
So now we're trying
to get our heads around what happened. This blog post is part of my attempt to
do just that. It's really easy to point out that it should have been handled
differently, and it probably should. Much of what was shared would have been more
appropriate in a smaller, gender-specific setting. There should have been an
organized way of following up with the young people. There should have been
counselors available to deal with the issues. There should have been lots of
things. I suspect that there won't be any shortage of people saying this and
more, and they have some good points. In the future I'm sure the camp leaders
will be more prepared. I spent a few hours with them the next day, I listened
to their hearts, and they are concerned with how to improve. How to be more
effective and appropriate. But frankly, they are more concerned with helping
young people than with maintaining their image. And I sure can't fault that.
In other words, I cannot blame the camp leaders for what happened.
For decades, the church--and not just the CHM--has created an atmosphere
in which certain things are NOT to be discussed. The youth retreats, camps, and
Youth Challenges that I have attended have pretty consistently done a
presentation on sex, and the message is, "Don't do it." But I have
never heard anyone talk about how to deal with addictions, what to do about
being molested, where to turn if you're struggling with homosexuality, how to
cope with pain so incredible that it overwhelms your entire life. We don't want
to acknowledge that these things happen in our churches and homes, and so these
topics are taboo. Off limits. And Thursday night, that taboo was shattered. It
was messy, unorganized, and inappropriate. But if there is blame, the majority
of it has to go to the churches and families that have created the taboo. We
have not allowed our young people to openly deal with the garbage that has been
dumped on them. We have given the impression, if not actually taught, that the
important thing is to be "a good kid," and if you're struggling with
issues, just give them to God and it'll be fine. But Thursday night, there was
suddenly this safe zone, this moment when it was OK to be human, to hurt, to
struggle, to fail. And the reality came out.
So let's let the
camp leaders figure out how to deal with the situation more effectively in the
future. How to be more
"appropriate." For the rest of us, we need to learn from this. I hope
this lesson reverberates across the movement: WAKE UP!!! Our safe, protected
church is not so safe and protected. These were not inner-city ghetto kids.
These were our kids, and our kids are in agony. Our kids are dealing with junk
they should never have to. And we have not given them the support, the safety,
the unconditional acceptance they desperately need. We will answer to God for the hundreds or
thousands of kids whose search for genuine love and acceptance have led them
away from us, away from the church, and even away from God. May God forgive us.
And may God give us the strength and courage to declare, "Never
again." Never again will a young man have to search for a safe zone,
because I will provide it. Never again will a young woman have to turn to
immorality to feel loved, because I will love her appropriately and
unconditionally. Never again will a teenager have to search for honesty,
because I will have the courage to be honest. Never again will a victim have to
hide his or her pain, because I will help bear it. It's time to wake up, man
up, and dare to be the difference!
